singingchicky

(Nayra)

            When the one you love has betrayed you, how do you pick up the pieces? Do you ignore the obvious betrayal and act like the world is fine? Or do you let the grief consume you until the world holds no joy for you? This was the crossroad that I was standing at, as I stared blankly into the bathroom mirror of the rest stop. My eyes, bloodshot, looked as though they’d never seen light, whereas my face was still fire red with the fury I held inside. I’d been hurt before, but somehow this, this one felt like my entire life had come to a stop from the moment that I looked into his eyes. Part of me felt like I was dreaming it all, like I would just wake up and he would be next to me, smiling. Kissing my forehead. But deep down I knew the cold truth: he cheated. He slept with some girl because I wasn’t enough for him. I wasn’t worth waiting for. A small tear escaped my eyes before I even noticed it.

            “This is stupid.” I said aloud, before washing my face of the makeup remnants that clung to my eyelashes.  Composing myself, I walked out, trying to smile just that much more. It had been a few days since that fateful moment, and still it stung like it was a moment ago. I managed to fake something, enough for the rest of them to not see past it at least. Enough to get through one more day. I walked back on the bus, and almost instantly fell asleep.

            (Dream)

            “Nayra…” Brendon called from the far end of the meadow, which once seemed bright and full of life, but which was now full of dead grass and shriveled leaves.

            “No.” I repeated, over and over, trying to show that I was tougher than before.

            “Nayra….” He called again, coming closer. I finally walked closer, giving in to the pain in my chest that seemed to be his doing. But as I walked closer, he took one step back, making it impossible to get to him. I tried to run towards him, but somehow couldn’t go fast enough. The trees of the forest where he stood started to fly past me, but still I couldn’t catch him. In an instant, he vanished from my site, leaving nothing but a rustle of a branch or two behind him.

            “BRENDON!” I yelled, trying to find him, but never succeeding. I fell to the ground, the gray billowing dress skirt around me bubbling around me.

            “BRENDON!”

            I woke up in a panic, trying to figure out what just happened. I looked out the window to see that it was still dark. I grabbed my phone, checking the time. 3:00 a.m.

            “Urgh.” I said, throwing my head back down onto my pillow, but simply staring at the stars instead of drifting back to sleep.

            “Holy crap Nayra, are you alright?” Odessa said, finally coming over. She looked about as tired as I did, but also a bit more concerned than I did.

            “Fine. Just… a bad dream I guess.” I smiled at her as best I could in the moonlight.

            “Alright. Well, just go back to sleep, alright?” She said before stumbling back to her pallet.  I sighed, trying to go back to sleep, but only thinking of him for the first time in almost a week. I grabbed my phone again, the backlight hurting my eyes.

((guide to the texts : *-Nayra to Brendon, *-Nayra to Ryan, **Ryan, Brendon))

*’Hey’

‘Hey’

*’Look, I don’t know how to put this in any other way, but… I’m still really upset about what you did, but I can’t stop thinking about you.’

‘Nayra, you have to know that I’m really sorry about that.’

*’ I know. It just doesn’t change the fact that you did it. Why did you do it?’

‘I wasn’t thinking. I got really drunk and just… let myself go’

’Maybe we can work this out, but it’s not going to be easy.’

I re-read the text a couple of times, trying to figure out if I should give in or not.

*’I know. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.’

‘Alright. I love you.’

*’I love you too.’

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What do you think should happen?! What are your predictions?! Tell me in a comment!!

Because I am such a professional, I acted like nothing was wrong with me. In fact, I turned my anger at Brendon into pure energy, making it to the point where I was utterly tired at the end of the night. The only time I almost lost it was during Brendon and my duet. I kept from looking at him the entire time, making sure that when I did it was a disguised look of happiness. After all, how was I supposed to react, especially in the middle of the song? It seemed that I had fooled even him because he came up to me after the concert like nothing had happened.

“Hey Doll face.” He said, obviously trying to bait me with the one thing that could make my knees weak. I almost faltered, but remembered why I was so angry at him in the first place. I took the water bottle that I was drinking from and threw it in his face before walking to the dressing room to prepare for meeting fans.

News apparently travels quickly when it comes to tours, especially among fans. I had at least four girls looking at me like “oh my god, you poor thing!” and a few looking at me like “Damn, I wish I was the girl he cheated with.” It got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I started signing faster, claiming I was feeling sick, and when I was mostly done, I walked to the bus, not even caring that everyone was staring at me. I grabbed the first pillow I could find, threw my face in it, and screamed as loud as I could. “How could he do this to me?! I was nothing but faithful to that slime ball! Adam warned me about guys like him, but did I listen? No. And now I am going to be on the cover of some sleazy magazine, apparently heartbroken by the fact that he went and screwed some other chick.” I tried to compose myself, but it was turning out to be in vain. I buried my face back into the pillow, this time crying uncontrollably. I didn’t even realize that there was someone at my side until they put their arm around me.

“You ok?” Odessa said, still flush from the concert.

“I’m fine.” I lied, wiping my face of the now black marks everywhere.

“Bulltiki. Ryan told me what happened. Do you want to talk about it? Or should I just go kick his ass?” She said, trying unsuccessfully to get me to smile.

“No. It’s fine. I’m just… in shock you know? Was I really that bad of a girlfriend?” I asked, watching Panic sign autographs. I could see from here that Brendon felt a bit like I did right now, but I wasn’t going to cave and just say everything’s going to be ok.

“No! Of course not!” She said, grabbing a tissue from a box nearby and wiping my tears (and now messed up makeup).  I tried to compose myself so that I could go back into the arena to help gather the equipment. I stood up, adjusting my shirt out of nervous habit, and walked out of the bus, faking a smile.

It seemed that no one else really noticed anything after that, which I was thankful for. I didn’t take acting classes for three years for it not to work. In fact, it worked so well that I almost forgot why I was upset in the first place, until I saw Brendon coming closer and closer to me. I took a deep breath while I picked up my guitar case.

“Here, I’ll get that.” Brendon said, obviously walking on eggshells.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it.” I replied, still not able to control the sharp icy tone in my voice.

“Nayra, don’t be like that.” He said, grabbing my arm and walking to a secluded corner.

            “I have to help load shit on the bus.” I said, not looking at him. I hadn’t looked at him truly since he came up to me before the show.

            “Please, hear me out. I know I messed up, but you have to forgive me.” He said, a true tone of plea in his voice. I kept my head down. “Nayra look at me.” He said, grabbing my face gently and making me look into his now hurtful eyes.

            “I-I can’t do this.” I said before briskly walking away from him. I tried to ignore him calling my name as I went to help some more.

I’d finally calmed down about an hour after the bus started going to one of the last places on the tour: Seattle. I had put my headphones in, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone, and listening to “If I were a boy”. Odessa came over a couple of times, to make sure I was still breathing I guess, then went back on the other side of the bus. It started raining that night, the first of a week’s worth. My usual happiness that came with such rain was nowhere near the betrayal that I felt in that moment. It wasn’t until we were almost to the rest stop that Adam came over with Ben.

“Alright. Seriously, you aren’t going to do anything drastic, are you?” Ben said, trying to make me laugh. I showed a weak smile.

“No. I promise not to jump off anything, unless it’s a bed.” I said, cracking my own little joke.

“You know, I could go kick his ass.” Adam said, puffing his chest out, as if it would make a difference. I laughed. The first time in almost 6 hours it felt like.

“That won’t be necessary. I already threw water on him.” I replied, feeling a little bit better, but guilty at the same time. I yawned, having gotten little to no sleep the night before.

“You look tired. We’ll leave you be, alright?” Adam said, ushering Ben with him to the “boy’s” side of the bus as I drift off to sleep, listening to yet another depressing song and hearing Odessa’s melodic voice talking to someone on the phone.

(Odessa’s Conversation)

            Odessa: How’s he doing?

            Ryan: Alright, I guess. He’s ready to punch something though. Never a good sign.

            Odessa: She’s been upset for the past hour or so. She just barely went to sleep. What the hell happened anyways?

            Ryan: Well, last night, after rehearsal, Brendon and I went for a drink at this local bar, just to relieve some stress. This girl kept hitting on him, and shot after shot he started talking to her. Next thing I know, they are off to some random location. I didn’t realize what he had done until it was too late. Mostly because I was pretty shit faced myself.

            Odessa: Oh my god. And now he feels guilty?

            Ryan: Yeah. Oh wait, here’s Brendon apparently.

            Brendon: Odessa?

            Odessa: Yes Brendon?

            Brendon: Can you get Nayra for me?

            Odessa: I don’t know about that Brendon. She’s still pretty upset.

            Brendon: Oh. Just… tell her I’m sorry.

            Odessa: She’s asleep Brendon. I’ll tell her in the morning.

            Brendon: Alright. Here’s Ryan.

            Ryan: Well we better let you go. You guys will need all the rest you can get. Night.

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More soon. Like I said, it's kinda coming to a close pretty soon.