singingchicky

        I could tell that things were going to be a bit different between Brendon and I, mainly because I knew he was going to be careful about what we did. Not that I didn’t think that it was very gentleman-like of him, but it seemed that he didn’t want to be in the same room for longer than a few minutes at a time. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Besides, he knew why I was doing it in the first place… right?

            “Brendon? You ok?” I asked after rehearsal one night. We were in Oklahoma City, having almost finished the entire tour.

            “Yeah, I’m fine babe.” He said distantly, not looking at me. “What the hell?!” I thought to myself.  He walked into the dressing room that said “Panic” on the door, not even acknowledging the fact that I had two red bulls in my hand.

 “Why can’t I put my finger on what it is? He never turns down a Redbull!” I thought again before walking towards an empty corner. I felt a sudden wave of emotion coming on, but because I was still trying to prove that I’m tough enough, I swallowed what I could down, but was unsuccessful in hiding a few tears. It had been a stressful few weeks since I had told Brendon about my decision. Had our relationship been based around sex this whole time? If it was, what were we still doing with each other? I was so busy drowning in my river of doubt to even notice Ryan coming up to me. It wasn’t until he touched my shoulder did I realize he was there. Sneaky bastard.

“Nayra? Are you alright?” He said, a look of concern playing on his face. Damn, I thought, I’ve been caught!

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just… stressed I guess.” I said, wiping the small amount of tears off my face. I looked down at the Red Bulls next to me, trying hard not to remember the thoughts that were now plaguing my mind.

“ Are you sure? It doesn’t look like stress to me. You fighting with Brendon?” He asked suddenly. I was caught so off guard that another wave came over me. God I’m such a sissy. “What happened? Not even two weeks ago you two were hot and heavy for each other.”

“Yeah I know. But I told him I didn’t want to… you know…” I said, dancing around the subject.

“Oh. Ok.” He said, suddenly getting a look on his face. “Hey, I better get in there… they might be planning war for all I know. Don’t worry about Brendon. He’ll come around.” Ryan said before walking towards the dressing room. I decided to suck it up and walk to Stand Tall’s dressing room, mostly to fix what little makeup I had on.

“Hey, who’s ass am I kicking?” Adam said, seeing the red in my eyes.

“No one’s. I’m fine.” I said, trying to make it seem like I was perfectly normal.

(Brendon’s Perspective)

            I couldn’t believe what I had done to her. I could already see the hurt in her eyes when I would try to not look in them. It had only been once, this terrible thing, but it was enough to make me feel like a total shmuck. I saw Ryan come through the door, with an almost equal look as Nayra.

“She knows something’s up.” Ryan said, sitting down next to me. I threw my head back before burying it in my hands.

“Does she know what exactly is up?” I asked.

“No, but you need to tell her. This is something that you can’t keep to yourself. Seriously man.” Ryan said before walking back out.

            I stared into the mirror in front of me, not seeing the confident man that I was last night at the bar, but seeing the horrible cheating boyfriend that Nayra would see when I told her the truth.

(Nayra’s Perspective)

When I came back out, Brendon was standing in front of the door, apparently waiting for me. He still wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Hey babe. What’s up?” I asked, trying to play it cool, but it seemed like it didn’t work. I took matters in my own hands. I grabbed his face lightly and make him look at me. “ What’s wrong?” It was then, when he finally looked at me that I knew what was eating at him. I backed away slowly, shaking my head the entire time.

“Doll face, let me explain.” He said, pleading now.

“No no no no no DON’T call me Doll face. Not now. How-how could you Brendon?” I said, trying to breathe.