singingchicky

Because I am such a professional, I acted like nothing was wrong with me. In fact, I turned my anger at Brendon into pure energy, making it to the point where I was utterly tired at the end of the night. The only time I almost lost it was during Brendon and my duet. I kept from looking at him the entire time, making sure that when I did it was a disguised look of happiness. After all, how was I supposed to react, especially in the middle of the song? It seemed that I had fooled even him because he came up to me after the concert like nothing had happened.

“Hey Doll face.” He said, obviously trying to bait me with the one thing that could make my knees weak. I almost faltered, but remembered why I was so angry at him in the first place. I took the water bottle that I was drinking from and threw it in his face before walking to the dressing room to prepare for meeting fans.

News apparently travels quickly when it comes to tours, especially among fans. I had at least four girls looking at me like “oh my god, you poor thing!” and a few looking at me like “Damn, I wish I was the girl he cheated with.” It got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I started signing faster, claiming I was feeling sick, and when I was mostly done, I walked to the bus, not even caring that everyone was staring at me. I grabbed the first pillow I could find, threw my face in it, and screamed as loud as I could. “How could he do this to me?! I was nothing but faithful to that slime ball! Adam warned me about guys like him, but did I listen? No. And now I am going to be on the cover of some sleazy magazine, apparently heartbroken by the fact that he went and screwed some other chick.” I tried to compose myself, but it was turning out to be in vain. I buried my face back into the pillow, this time crying uncontrollably. I didn’t even realize that there was someone at my side until they put their arm around me.

“You ok?” Odessa said, still flush from the concert.

“I’m fine.” I lied, wiping my face of the now black marks everywhere.

“Bulltiki. Ryan told me what happened. Do you want to talk about it? Or should I just go kick his ass?” She said, trying unsuccessfully to get me to smile.

“No. It’s fine. I’m just… in shock you know? Was I really that bad of a girlfriend?” I asked, watching Panic sign autographs. I could see from here that Brendon felt a bit like I did right now, but I wasn’t going to cave and just say everything’s going to be ok.

“No! Of course not!” She said, grabbing a tissue from a box nearby and wiping my tears (and now messed up makeup).  I tried to compose myself so that I could go back into the arena to help gather the equipment. I stood up, adjusting my shirt out of nervous habit, and walked out of the bus, faking a smile.

It seemed that no one else really noticed anything after that, which I was thankful for. I didn’t take acting classes for three years for it not to work. In fact, it worked so well that I almost forgot why I was upset in the first place, until I saw Brendon coming closer and closer to me. I took a deep breath while I picked up my guitar case.

“Here, I’ll get that.” Brendon said, obviously walking on eggshells.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it.” I replied, still not able to control the sharp icy tone in my voice.

“Nayra, don’t be like that.” He said, grabbing my arm and walking to a secluded corner.

            “I have to help load shit on the bus.” I said, not looking at him. I hadn’t looked at him truly since he came up to me before the show.

            “Please, hear me out. I know I messed up, but you have to forgive me.” He said, a true tone of plea in his voice. I kept my head down. “Nayra look at me.” He said, grabbing my face gently and making me look into his now hurtful eyes.

            “I-I can’t do this.” I said before briskly walking away from him. I tried to ignore him calling my name as I went to help some more.

I’d finally calmed down about an hour after the bus started going to one of the last places on the tour: Seattle. I had put my headphones in, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone, and listening to “If I were a boy”. Odessa came over a couple of times, to make sure I was still breathing I guess, then went back on the other side of the bus. It started raining that night, the first of a week’s worth. My usual happiness that came with such rain was nowhere near the betrayal that I felt in that moment. It wasn’t until we were almost to the rest stop that Adam came over with Ben.

“Alright. Seriously, you aren’t going to do anything drastic, are you?” Ben said, trying to make me laugh. I showed a weak smile.

“No. I promise not to jump off anything, unless it’s a bed.” I said, cracking my own little joke.

“You know, I could go kick his ass.” Adam said, puffing his chest out, as if it would make a difference. I laughed. The first time in almost 6 hours it felt like.

“That won’t be necessary. I already threw water on him.” I replied, feeling a little bit better, but guilty at the same time. I yawned, having gotten little to no sleep the night before.

“You look tired. We’ll leave you be, alright?” Adam said, ushering Ben with him to the “boy’s” side of the bus as I drift off to sleep, listening to yet another depressing song and hearing Odessa’s melodic voice talking to someone on the phone.

(Odessa’s Conversation)

            Odessa: How’s he doing?

            Ryan: Alright, I guess. He’s ready to punch something though. Never a good sign.

            Odessa: She’s been upset for the past hour or so. She just barely went to sleep. What the hell happened anyways?

            Ryan: Well, last night, after rehearsal, Brendon and I went for a drink at this local bar, just to relieve some stress. This girl kept hitting on him, and shot after shot he started talking to her. Next thing I know, they are off to some random location. I didn’t realize what he had done until it was too late. Mostly because I was pretty shit faced myself.

            Odessa: Oh my god. And now he feels guilty?

            Ryan: Yeah. Oh wait, here’s Brendon apparently.

            Brendon: Odessa?

            Odessa: Yes Brendon?

            Brendon: Can you get Nayra for me?

            Odessa: I don’t know about that Brendon. She’s still pretty upset.

            Brendon: Oh. Just… tell her I’m sorry.

            Odessa: She’s asleep Brendon. I’ll tell her in the morning.

            Brendon: Alright. Here’s Ryan.

            Ryan: Well we better let you go. You guys will need all the rest you can get. Night.

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More soon. Like I said, it's kinda coming to a close pretty soon.